This very morning saw me taking a ridiculously early train for a business trip down to London. As per usual I use such trips to take full advantage of the world of Social Media, in particularly to catch up with what’s happening on Twitter.
Much to my disappointment I noticed that I was no longer being followed by well known Twitter lover and Blue Jays stalwart, Mr José Bautista. Admittedly I stopped following José some weeks ago myself so this came as little surprise (although given the fact that José will follow pretty much anyone, as his 217K+ follows clearly demonstrates, maybe I should have been worried?!)
So I decided to give him a Follow back, you know… rekindle the love that we once shared for one another… But NO!!!! This is what greated me!!! –
BLOCKED!!!! By José Bautista?!?!? Say it ain’t so, Joe-sé (see what I did there 🙂 )
Was it something I said José??? Actually, I guess it was pretty much something I said but more on that in a moment!
A few weeks a go I wrote about my ‘delight’ about being followed by everyone’s favourite Jays outfielder. At least everyone’s favourite Jays outfielder that isn’t Melky Cabreara, Anthony Gose or even Colby Rasmus. I even ran a little caption competition to honour the great man… You can click here to read all about it if you missed it first time around.
And now this!!! Why José, why?!?!? OK… I may have called you a “media whore” in the past, but it was only meant in a good way!! It came from a place of love José, a place of love! Why have I been ostracized?? Why have I been exiled to the Social Media wilderness?? You’ve made me a veritable Twitter pariah, José!! A pariah I say!!! What makes me so different to the other 217,000+ individuals that you love and care so much about that you deemed them worthy of a Follow? How is it you can clasp them to your somewhat overworked torso and yet leave me out there… cold and alone?? The shame José, the shame!!
How can I turn to my 8 year old daughter, Hettie, and tell her you’ve turned your back on me? You were her favourite, José!! She absolutely adored you, looked up to you!! Well, I imagine she would have done if she had any love or appreciation for baseball and known who you were in the first place. I suspect she’s drawn to paternal figures with immaculately managed facial hair, although she’ll never admit it!
So where does this leave us now ‘old friend’??
No longer can I read those numerous quotes you tweet, from individuals far greater than yourself, in a vain attempt to somehow pass yourself off as profound or well read, or perhaps both. How can I track the progress you’re making with ‘Booster Juice’ (#BoosterJuice)? How can I live without those crazy-ass tweets that you used to do in Spanish? Sadly, due to my inability to understand the language I could never really follow what you were writing, although I always imagined it was some really funny shit.
Sniff… (Wipes single tear from eye)
No time for sadness or recriminations… No hard feelings… Just some great memories! Like when I used to rip into you for using those random quotes! Or when I used to kid you over your insipid talent for self-promotion!
Ahhh… Good times José, good times!
I know that you might not have any love for me anymore José, but I’ll never turn my back on you. For me you’ll always be the same abject Face of MLB (#FaceOfMLB) failure this year that you were last year. You know what though? Keep trying kiddo!! Never give up! Everyone loves a tryer! In the immortal words of Eric Cartman…
“Follow your dreams. You can meet your goals. I am living proof. Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!!”
I guess that’s all I’ve got for now. I guess… It’s just… I…
(Throws himself on the floor and pounds fists into the ground, sobbing uncontrollably in an overly theatrical fashion)
WHY José, WHY DAMN YOU?!?!? Please have me back José! If you don’t want to do it for me José, then think about the kids, man!! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!
(Picks himself up off the floor and sheepishly dusts himself down)
Ahem… Well that’s all I’ve got for now José. Take care dude!
Love and hugs, Andy
xoxo
(Exits stage left)
FYI – You can follow José on Twitter – @JoeyBats19 – just don’t tell him I sent you 😉
The Wax Fantastic 
Create a 2nd Twitter account and ONLY follow him. Then, have all your tweets referencing bizarre news stories, and ponder how JoeyBats would respond is that happened to him.
Jeff my friend, you’re a bloody genius
@FauxséBautista will be born!!